On Acting

Being an Actor is tough. Really, don't laugh, those of you who aren't actors - there is no other profession where you face such countless rejection time and time again. Liken it to going on constant job interviews every week, but instead of a nice long interview where you have half an hour to convince them how awesome you are, you have two minutes... You walk in the door say your name and then spit out two monologues and hope somehow that 1. You were connected to what you are saying. 2. You remember all your words to what you are saying and 3.You are just what they are looking for.... you have no idea what they are looking for.  Its exhausting. Personally, I'd rather audition for strangers, Auditioning for friends is rough, somehow its more personal, there's more expectation on both sides. You want to believe that your friends believe in you and support you, sometimes they are your biggest critics too. You try not to take it personal when you don't even get a friggin callback... but really you think its pretty much bullshit and are terribly hurt. Especially when you think, hey I'm awesome for that! I know all about _______(insert topic of choice... ex: Egypt/Cleopatra etc, & certain time period)____.  I try really hard to be logical about these things, but lets face it. I am an Actor... I am not in the least bit logical, I am an emotional, reactionary, think with my heart more often then my head mess of a woman. I do try though.
So Logically -  you try and look at who all auditioned, try to put it together like a puzzle who works best, looks best, sounds best and fits the role, had a good grasp of the language, time, etc. That's tough. I don't envy directors for that. Now you look at yourself.... now I know that I'm a challenge in many aspects. I would like to think that I'm talented and have a slough of skills and am fun and easy to work with, however, I am lets face it a curvy gal, somehow this means my roles are : maid/nurse, matron, whore , sometimes a crazy combination of these things. I have only twice in my life played what I would consider a leading lady type role and I'm very grateful to both of those directors for the opportunity. I also am aware that despite my being 33 I look like I'm 22, that somehow confuses people as to what to do with me. I would like to argue on behalf of myself. Hey I'm an actor, lets put aside appearances for a minute and realize that I can portray whatever you need...I just played a Spanish old man in his early 60's come on now...  makeup is pretty darn awesome for changing the appearance of age.
We were told at Cornish some odds of most actors will go on 100 auditions, maybe get called back for 30 and maybe get cast once.... again that's exhausting!
I admit, I need to go on more auditions, I am picky and I have not quite earned the right to be so just yet. I want to do good theatre, with good companies. Doing good theatre with good companies is HEAVEN, doing bad company with less reputable companies is ... well the opposite. I would love to get paid to be an actor, make a living at it. However right now, I would willingly work for nothing or little if it was someplace like Intiman, the Rep, ACT, New Century,  Seattle Shakespeare,  or Book it. I sadly am not really on their radar. Well, Seattle Shakes is aware of me, but yet to really make use of me, and lord I've been trying for years. Please? Please?!Please?!?!?!?!?!?

Blah Blah Blah... I really didn't mean to make this a pity party.

I love being an actor. Its my #1 favorite thing. There is no plan B, some other great passion that I can occupy myself with. I love being an actor, every other interest follows under the category of like. I'm an addict, despite the rejection, the long hours (day job + Rehearsal/Show = 14-16 hr days on average), The constant state of financial brokenness, I can't wait for my next show, I'm desperate to find one... seriously. I breathe better, I feel better, life is just generally better when I have a show to pour myself into. 

What is the point of this post? A rant of an out of work actor....
If you know an actor, be gentle with them, love them, they deal with lots of rejection and really are just trying to bring a little art into the world.